The End of the Road?

This is so hard. Writing about experiences in my life that I know God has carried me through. It is so personal. Vulnerable. Hard. Just hard. 

Caden, from The Last Ride, has passed. I would truly love to tell you he's in heaven, but I have no idea. When I heard he'd been hospitalized, I did pray that God would allow him to wake up and truly hear of Gods love and forgiveness and surrender his heart. I don't know that he ever has but when I left so many years ago I can tell you it wasn't the case. I do know that no matter what anyone has done, their lives can change. They CAN change. Paul did. With God, Paul Did. Daniel did. With God, Daniel did. So many did. With God, they did. Caden could also. It was a thought that this would happen for a moment when it was told there was some movement response. He never came to though, and passed. 

Now is the time most would say, so you are free, you can get over it, you can move on. In thoery, but no, not exactly. Now there is a mission to continue. Now there is damage control. Now there is a whole new reality. Pretty sure that his death is being used as a tool to stop me from sharing His story in my life. How He has carried me through. Make me so relieved that I won't tell anything further. If I cannot share, feel no reason to share, then whomever it is that resonates with His story in my life, may not be reached before more damage is done. That cannot be allowed to happen. That is why Whisk & Swirl was born, and just as when babies are born, it must continue to be nourished and grow. So many other lives matter more than how hard it is to share. 

So it is only the end of the road for future harm. No more calls, texts, or social media stalking to find or contact me and try to place fear in me or to remind me that I can be taken out on a whim. That is gone. There is no relief because of his death,  because I realized Gods protection and stopped fearing several years ago. There is no happy dance because I fear another soul was lost. There is actually little relief in knowing that the two people most responsible for the physical and mental damage in my life are gone, because the damage was done. The damage to the mental health of myself and other family members. The post traumatic ticks we have. They don't go away just because the initial cause is unable to continue. Just like a new believer, a new healer must be discipled, covered in love and surrounded by encouragement.

It is said that sharing is caring. That's not entirely correct. Someone neglected to add that sharing is difficult. It helps one to heal but it stirs up hurt, anguish, resentment, or at least attempts to.  

 Perhaps sharing will help you learn the listen to the story before asking "why do they stay"? or gossiping about "They should be smarter than that surely?" or exclaiming "I wouldn't put up with that, that's just dumb"". All statements that are hurtful and untrue if you have never been in the same shoes. 

It is not the end of the road when an abuser passes, a drug addict recovers, or a lost soul surrenders to Him. It is the beginning of life long support, love, encouragement, and learning. 

"Have I not command you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; d not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

"But encourage one anothe rdaily, as long as it is called "today", so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." -Hebrews 3:13